Emotional Support for How You're Feeling
When your wife, husband or partner is seriously ill, your own feelings can get pushed to one side. There's so much to do and so much at stake, falling apart feels like a risk you can't take.
But how you feel matters, because you're both suffering. Learning how to connect with your own feelings, and finding ways to cope with them, will help you to keep going.
Here are some resources we found useful, after diagnosis and beyond.
Ask for Help as Soon as You Can
Each person is unique so their experience of their partner's illness will vary. It can often help to hear about others' experiences, to understand more about what you might be going through. Hearing other people's stories may also help you to prepare for unexpected or sudden changes. Specialist charities such as Shine Cancer Support offer support for the "plus one" who lives alongside incurable illness. Try to find out about the support which exists for your situation, by joining online forums or asking specialist nurses.
Learn to Feel
When you hold everything together, your emotions can get buried. The feelings wheel is a simple tool to help name your emotions, beyond the obvious few. Naming feelings can reduce their intensity and help you to decide what you need to do next.
Understand Grief
Grief can start at diagnosis. If you're already feeling anger, sadness or loss during your partner's illness, that's anticipatory grief and it's completely normal. Cruse offer free support for anyone navigating grief at any stage, including before bereavement.
Difficult Moments
Some moments can feel impossibly hard. You don't need to be at breaking point to get professional help. Talk to a human at Samaritans before you're in crisis. Call 116 123 free, 24hrs, UK-wide. Or find one person you truly trust to listen to how you really feel.
Mental Health
It's common for partners to develop anxiety, depression or trauma responses during terminal illness. Sustained, acute stress gets stuck in your body. If you feel that you might be broken or about to break, don't suffer alone. Visit Mind or talk to your GP.
Get Help in a Crisis
If you're about to attempt suicide or seriously harm yourself, this is a crisis. Focus on staying safe and get help immediately. Call 999 and ask for an ambulance. Go straight to A&E. If you can't get to a hospital, then go to your GP, ask someone to take you, or call a taxi.