What Can I Do to Help?
People might ask, "How can I help?" And it's often hard to know what anyone can do. Cleaning the house, driving you to an appointment, collecting groceries, booking a trip to the cinema... Being specific about how people can help shows them what you're open to.
Another way they can help is to offer you ideas! Ask them to tell you what they can do and see if it feels helpful. It's sometimes awkward to accept help and it's also often wonderful how generously people give.
Below is a list of practical ways that other people can show up for you and your family.
What If Help Is Unwanted?
You can't force someone to be helped. If the person you love doesn't want to talk or won't do the thing which might be good for them, as an adult they have the right to make that choice. Enabling the independence and autonomy of a terminally ill person can be a crucial way to support them.
If their behaviour is harmful to themselves or others, a doctor or GP may be able to advise you in general terms, but they won't be able to discuss any patient specifics with you. If you're worried about yourself call the Samaritans or text SHOUT (below).
Autonomy is crucial for everyone who's experiencing stress, fear and vulnerability. It's OK to say to people that you want to talk about the things you're going through or ask to be distracted from them. It's a specific way that you can ask for help from friends. People often need time to adjust to their situation and compassionate support to approach that help may be what they need. Otherwise it's normal to defend against help or not want to feel helpless.
Being silent, kind and patient is sometimes the only help that's needed.
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We're always looking to improve this site, to make it more useful for those who need it. Please send us an email with your comments or updates.