The Final Milestones
Deep grief only exists because of deep love.
If something has changed and you've realised that the end is a possibility, we're so sorry that you're here.
Perhaps curative treatments have switched to palliative, you've been told that the doctors are out of options, or something has suddenly gone wrong. When hope fades and your fear becomes real, it's never the "right" time and it's always too soon.
The pages ahead talk about what caring in the final weeks can look like. We also have support for you if you're worried that your partner has not long left. This is what we needed when we navigated death alongside our loved one, we hope it helps if you need it.
Trigger Warning: Not everyone will want to read about death or how to care for the end of life. That's OK. You can leave this page at any time.
The Transition
This is the moment you hoped would never come. Death will part you and there's nothing you can do about it. We're so sorry that you can't stop this brutal cruelty from happening. It's likely that you're in a physical state of shock – even if you don't feel that way, it may still be happening.
If you're managing children, protecting family, holding your own grief, while being functional for everyone, then you're going to need to take care of yourself as you go through this. It's likely that you'll be experiencing acute grief, while also wanting to be fully present for your person. You may have to make decisions that you never wanted to make or have to find words for the impossible. These are the final milestones.
The medical team will do their job to take care of your partner. Your role is changing now, in ways which may be both visible and invisible. As a partner or spouse, you may no longer be the main carer, and yet you are the one who knows them best and loves them entirely. Death is much more than a clinical event. You may now have to be their decision-maker and advocate, to give them the things which you believe will bring them the greatest peace and comfort. It can feel as though there are a lot of big questions and no answers. Although nobody has trained you for this, you do know how to be their primary person.
The resources below are intended to support you, as you stay present for your partner and care for them through these final milestones, whatever they look like.
Each patient and family is unique, there's no way we can know if or when these events will happen to you. Although we've listed common experiences here, it will be different for you. Our intent is to show you some possible final milestones, so that your unknown path is a little less daunting.
